Relationships aren't easy. Long distance relationships, even less so. Any of you involved in such a situation would empathise with that statement, nod in agreement and even go on to list a few of the difficulties each of these 'saat samundar paar' couples face. Because of the scratchy phone connections, unreliable internet connectivity and boiling impatience over repeatedly saying 'Can you see me?' over Skype, any mundane matter can turn into a raging war. And when you are cosying up to your phone at night, even the smallest fights can make the nights that much harder.
Have you ever wished these fights just disappeared? While it's not like a magical genie will arrive every time you rub away the tears or bang your head against a wall, there are some things you could try that might make things a little easier for the two of you. We can't really give a complete guarantee, but it's worth a shot though!
1. Don't assume, ask
One of the biggest catalysts for conflict is misunderstanding. They say many things are lost in translation, but that's nothing compared to what can be lost over a phone call (your mind included). So instead of jumping to conclusions about 'that tone was rude' or 'what did that mean?' stop the other for a second and politely ask them what it is they are really trying to say.
2. Respect each other's schedules
You may both have work, personal commitments, or prior appointments that stand at stake when locked in a fight. But it is important to remember that these things are equally important and your conflict shouldn't cause disruptions in these schedules. It will only end up adding fuel to the fire if it does.
3. Avoid hanging up on or ignoring each other
It can be quite frustrating when the other just can't seem to understand your point and then you violently press the End Call button just to get a moment's relief. That isn't helping your case. Neither is ignoring the phone calls that follow this act. Act the adult you're supposed to be.
4. Schedule a time to connect
When you are occupied with other things, a fight can start creeping into every free minute you seem to have. Instead of letting that ruin your mood, fix up a time when you can both dedicatedly get on a call (don't just text) and try to 'figure it out'.
5. Take a break
From the call, not the relationship - we don't want this article to become the cause of another Ross-Rachel situation. If you begin to get too riled up, take a 15 minute break and use this time to calm yourself and try to put things in perspective. This always helps (especially if you have some friends around to rehearse the conversation with).
6. Speak up, but allow them to talk too
The last thing you should do is bottle up your feelings. If there is something bothering you, it's better out than in. But while articulately expressing your opinions, also remember to give the other side a listen. A relationship needs two people, and so does a conflict-resolving conversation.
7. Avoid pointing fingers and placing blame
Rather than using words such as "You always", or "I never", try saying something along the lines of "When you say this, I feel…" It can go a long way in maintaining an open channel of communication in your relationship.
8. Let the trivial things go
When you barely get a chance to see or speak to your significant other, it's better to let the small things (like not answering calls, or responding late to a mushy message) go rather than letting them drive a stubborn wedge between you two.
9. Remember that it's difficult for both of you
You aren't the only one pining away about romantic date nights and comforting forehead kisses night after night. Your partner misses you too and has a hard time without you around. No one wants to fight and make things difficult; you are both probably just fuelled by the frustration of not having the other one there.
Matches may be made in heaven, but maintaining the spark takes work. While it may seem convenient to take the easy way out, a little hard work and patience can go a long way in making even a long distance relationship a pretty perfect part of your life.
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